Wednesday, June 10, 2009



this story originally appeared on my website but made it into " I killed " true stories of the road from America's top Comedians People always want me to tell this story it is much funnier when I tell it in Person


Motorcycles & Mayhem
The year was 1987, I had recently moved to Los Angeles the previous year. I was working on becoming a paid regular at the comedy store, but until that happened I opted for a job as a doorman. It was not a bad place to pass the time as I worked on my craft. It was just before the huge comedy explosion of the eighties and the Comedy Store was a hot bed of activity. I was starting over, basically, and I spent most of my free time there hanging and making new friends. Watching and learning from the likes of Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans, and of course Sam Kinison. I knew them, but it was just casually... that was about to change. Monday night at the Comedy Store was a freak show, a real carnival of souls that all seemed lost. The Original room was packed, the Belly Room was filled with people and in the main room they were at capacity. The place had an energy about it. It was alive and buzzing. The stand up comedians went on to a very hungry comedy audience. The crowd stayed, basically to see the last act of the night which was Sam Kinison, he had a cult following of porn stars, celebrities and was not even close to being famous yet.

I showed up at the Comedy Store late. Sam was already on stage and had been on for a while, I showed up on my motorcycle and wheeled it into the backstage area, behind the curtain and I was sitting on it smoking a cigarette, talking with two other comedians. The manager was running around backstage screaming and yelling (he was from Thailand), "he get off now!" "It getting too rate!" He was oblivious to the fact that a comedy genius was working his trade. One of the other comedians looked at me on my motorcycle and said, "Why don't you ride out there and tell them it's last call" and then he said, "you know it's never been done before!" That was all he needed to say to a young comedian eager to prove himself. Then the other comedian said, " Just drive out, say it's last call, and tell Sam, 'by the way your rides here'." I started my bike and gunned the engine several times as I worked up the nerve, "Was I really going to do this!" I said to myself.

They pulled the curtain back and down three little steps I went skidding to and abrupt stop at the edge of the stage I had a long trench coat on and mirrored sunglasses, I looked at the audience and said, "It's last call and then I turned to Sam and said, "By the way your rides here!" Now, I did not know this at the time but Sam was deftly afraid of motorcycles. But, we were in front of an audience that was going nuts and I have to give him credit he didn't even bat an eye. He said in his signature scream, "LET'S DO IT!! AAAURGHHHH! AAAAAAUUUURGGH!" And he mounted the motorcycle. I turned the bike and gunned the engine... popped it into first gear... and hit those three steps and just had enough juice to climb them and we were through the curtain. I could have stopped there but I dropped it into second gear and I keep on going through the doorway and down the hallway that had three dressing rooms on my right side and screaming comedians diving for cover. I was yelling, "Get out of the way!" I never saw so many middle acts move that fast. Sam had a death grip on my ribcage as we barreled out the back door and onto Sunset Blvd. off the curb and onto the street and still I kept going West on Sunset to La Cienga, and as I made my U-turn, Sam finally loosened his grip and screamed above the loud engine, "You're a crazy motherfucker!" As we drove down Sunset past the Comedy Store about twenty people had come running out to see where we went, and as we drove by, they applauded and waved. I pulled over and Sam got off the bike and gave me a look like he was sizing me up. I said, "goodnight" and drove off towards home.

I didn't see Sam for about two weeks until I showed up at the Comedy Store on a Monday night, walked into the back bar and someone Yelled, "Jimmy Shubert, You crazy mother fucker! Get over here!" it was Sam. He wa s standing with Randy Quaid, and Loraine Neuman from Saturday Night Live. He introduced me and told them the story of how I drove him offstage on my motorcycle. I didn't realize how cool it was until I heard him tell the story. I had made a new friend! I have never met anyone like Sam Kinison before or since. He was a true American original and a crazy mother fucker himself.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Happy to be Home !!


Welcome to my new and improved website. In a constant effort to make my website better for all my fans, I've decided to make things just a little bit easier to find. We have streamlined everything as well as added new pages, like a links and downloads page, featuring an electronic press kit for fans and club managers. If you are a club mananger or owner, and you are looking for materials for your website and/or club, like headshots and videos for promo purposes, please click here and download the necessary items you need. Also, be sure to join me on Twitter for updates on my future shows.

Also, you can see me on the new season of Entourage, Season 6 on HBO. I have taped a couple episodes, as the First AD jimmy on Johnny Drama's show 5 Towns ( the show within the show ) I have been on it a few times before, but it is one of my favorite shows on television and always a thrill when they ask me to do it.

I just got back from Canada today, I was working in the Comic Strip in the West Edmonton Mall at one time it is the world's largest mall they have a gun range inside the mall that's a little ballsy we would never do that in The States give a crazed gunman a chance to warm up before he goes on a shooting spree. Anyway, I am happy to be back on the Left Coast as I have been traveling like a piece of lost luggage Honolulu to LA to Philly Drove to Rochester from there back to Philly back to LA and then off to Canada and finally back home and happy to be here

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Recycle This!!

The EPA is pretty comical, because the very purpose of the Global Warming movement is to damage the economy of Western nations.
When confronted by this very obvious fact, oh now they're act like they're shocked and that wasn't the intent after all.
The possible change of the climate is a scientific issue. The ramifications of that possible change are mostly the realm of speculation. But the proposed "remedy" is a political issue. And people are consciously conflating the three -- acting as if you oppose their "solutions," or question the validity of their speculation, then you are questioning the science.
Typical logical fallacy technique to win an argument.
If the Global Warming enthusiasts were actually serious about their fantasy of saving the world through human activity (or lack thereof), then the Kyoto Protocols and similar proposed treaties would have confronted, identified and penalized developing countries to at least the same degree as developed countries. But the fact that China, India, Indonesia and the rest were largely exempted from the same kind of restrictions as the US and Europe means that the goal was not actually to affect climate change but rather to shift economic power away from the established capitalist nations. But the developing nations are actually doing more polluting than we are, and their share will increase as our economic structure is strangled while theirs is encouraged.
And pointing out this fact in no way makes me a "denier."

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I am confused

"Let your capital be simplicity and contentment." - Henry David Thoreau


How does everything just stop working! I trying to sort all this out How does everything just shut down and nothing in America is working or worth anything anymore? So needless to say I am confused..... it feels like I am playing a game and the rules keep changing and it is set up so no one can win. The Banks, The Credit Card Companies, The IRS seem impervious to it, but the average American is not, We pay for all these Fuck Ups, CEO Bonuses, They say they are the Best and Brightest running these companies, but How could they be ? They just ran your company into the ground and then they get to pull the rip cord on their Golden Parachute and the rest of us are left holding the bag for douchebags! Sorry this shit just pisses me off

Friday, February 13, 2009

Hey Stimulate this Package !!

The Stimulus Bill

"The things that will destroy us are: politics without principle; pleasure without conscience; wealth without work; knowledge without character; business without morality; science without humanity; and worship without sacrifice." - Mahatma Gandhi

I wasn't crazy about the first Stimulus Bill but when it comes to this 2 nd Stimilus Bill

All I have to say, " ARE YOU F&%CKING KIDDING ME"

THIS IS A JOKE! What is the rush to pass this bill! We did not get in this situation overnight. We are not going to get out of it in a day. Talk about not having an attention span, We don't even have time to let our economy go through it's natural cycles. Sellling the American People this stimulus bill by jamming it down our throats, which is 4 pounds a paper,1100 pages, this bill is a virtual a rainforest of paper. The printing and distribution of the bill to the Senate and House of Representatives would leave a larger carbon footprint than most people could make in their entire lives. Apparently, President elect Obama has had a problem appointing people who have paid their taxes, so where is the money coming from not from not Democrat Appointee's. Let me play devil's Advocate for a moment, What if this economic rescue plan doesn't work! and turns out to be one catastrophic boondoggle. I have tried to read most of the bill and comprehend the vastness of this document. I am concerned how any of this stimulus will get the economy back on track. What will get the economy back on track ? does anyone have a clue. I know the American Consumer needs to have confidence in our economy, and then and only then will they start spending money.

Here are 50 of the most outrageous items in the stimulus package:

In my opinion #1 should be $335 million for STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) Prevention. I'm pretty sure the message is out on how these diseases are spread and prevented - unless of course you've been living in a cave for the last 20 years. How long have we had condoms??? How will this "stimulate" the economy and put food on our tables?). It may stimulate other areas on your body but not the economy. This item and most of the following items are textbook examples of Pork Barrel Spending...it doesn't get loaded with more pork than this!

The easiest targets in the stimulus bill are the ones that were clearly thrown in a sop to one liberal cause or another, even though the proposed spending would have little to no stimulative effect. The National Endowment for the Arts, for example, is in line for $50 million, increasing its total budget by a third. The unemployed can fill their days attending abstract-film festivals and sitar concerts.

Then there are the usual welfare-expansion programs that sound nice but repeatedly fail cost-benefit analyses. The bill provides $380 million to set up a rainy-day fund for a nutrition program that serves low-income women and children, and $300 million for grants to combat violence against women. Laudable goals, perhaps, but where’s the economic stimulus? And the bill would double the amount spent on federal child-care subsidies. Brian Riedl, a budget expert with the Heritage Foundation, quips, “Maybe it’s to help future Obama cabinet secretaries, so that they don’t have to pay taxes on their nannies.”

Perhaps spending $6 billion on university building projects will put some unemployed construction workers to work, but how does a $15 billion expansion of the Pell Grant program meet the standard of “temporary, timely, and targeted”? Another provision would allocate an extra $1.2 billion to a “youth” summer-jobs program—and increase the age-eligibility limit from 21 to 24. Federal job-training programs—despite a long track record of failure—come in for $4 billion total in additional funding through the stimulus.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a liberal wish list if it didn’t include something for ACORN, and sure enough, there is $5.2 billion for community-development block grants and “neighborhood stabilization activities,” which ACORN is eligible to apply for. Finally, the bill allocates $650 million for activities related to the switch from analog to digital TV, including $90 million to educate “vulnerable populations” that they need to go out and get their converter boxes or lose their TV signals. Obviously, this is stimulative stuff: Any economist will tell you that you can’t get higher productivity and economic growth without access to reruns of Family Feud.

Summary:
$50 million for the National Endow ment for the Arts
$380 million in the Senate bill for the Women, Infants and Children program
$300 million for grants to combat violence against women
$2 billion for federal child-care block grants
$6 billion for university building projects
$15 billion for boosting Pell Grant college scholarships
$4 billion for job-training programs, including $1.2 billion for “youths” up to the age of 24
$1 billion for community-development block grants
$4.2 billion for “neighborhood stabilization activities”
$650 million for digital-TV coupons; $90 million to educate “vulnerable populations”


POORLY DESIGNED TAX RELIEF
The stimulus package’s tax provisions are poorly designed and should be replaced with something closer to what the Republ ican Study Committee in the House has proposed. Obama would extend some of the business tax credits included in the stimulus bill Congress passed about a year ago, and this is good as far as it goes. The RSC plan, however, also calls for a cut in the corporate-tax rate that could be expected to boost wages, lower prices, and increase profits, stimulating economic activity across the board.

The RSC plan also calls for a 5 percent across-the-board income-tax cut, which would increase productivity by providing additional incentives to save, work, and invest. An across-the-board payroll-tax cut might make even more sense, especially for low- to middle-income workers who don’t make enough to pay income taxes. Obama’s “Making Work Pay” tax credit is aimed at helping these workers, but it uses a rebate check instead of a rate cut. Rebate checks are not effective stimulus, as we discovered last spring: They might boost consumption, a little, but that’s all they do.

Finally, the RSC proposal provides direct tax relief to strapped families by expanding the child tax credit, reducing taxes on parents’ investment in the next generation of taxpayers. Obama’s expansion of the child tax credit is not nearly as ambitious. Overall, his plan adds up to a lot of forgone revenue without much stimulus to show for it. Senators should push for the tax relief to be better designed.

The next time you hear a politician use the
word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about
whether you want the 'politicians' spending
YOUR tax money.

There are a Billion reasons this bill should not pass!!


A billion is a difficult number to comprehend,
but one advertising agency did a good job of
putting that figure into some perspective in
one of it's releases.


A billion seconds ago it was 1976.


A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.


A billion hours ago our ancestors were
living in the Stone Age.


A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.


A billion dollars ago was only
8 hours and 20 minutes,
at the rate our government
is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain...
let's take a look at New Orleans ...
It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.



Louisiana Senator,
Mary Landrieu (D)
is presently asking Congress for
250 BILLION DOLLARS
to rebuild New Orleans .. Interesting number...
what does it mean?


A.
Well... if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans
(every man, woman, and child)
you each get $516,528.


B.
Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in
New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.


C.
Or... if you are a family of four...
your family gets $2,066,012.


Washington, D. C

HELLO!
Are all your calculators broken??


Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Tax
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service charge taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax


STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?


Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago...
and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.


We had absolutely no national debt...
We had the largest middle class in the world...
and Mom stayed home to raise the kids .


What happened?
Can you spell 'politicians!'


And I still have to
press '1'
for English.

Summary:
$15 billion for business-loss carry-backs
$145 billion for “Making Work Pay” tax credits
$83 billion for the earned income credit


STIMULUS FOR THE GOVERNMENT
Even as their budgets were growing robustly during the Bush administration, many federal agencies couldn’t find the money to keep up with repairs—at least that’s the conclusion one is forced to draw from looking at the stimulus bill. Apparently the entire capital is a shambles. Congress has already removed $200 million to fix up the National Mall after word of that provision leaked out and attracted scorn. But one fixture of the mall—the Smithsonian—dodged the ax: It’s slated to receive $150 million for renovations.

The stimulus package is packed with approximately $7 billion worth of federal building projects, including $34 million to fix up the Commerce Department, $500 million for improvements to National Institutes of Health facilities, and $44 million for repairs at the Department of Agriculture. The Agriculture Department would also get $350 million for new computers—the better to calculate all the new farm subsidies in the bill (see “Pure pork” below).

One theme in this bill is=2 0superfluous spending items coated with green sugar to make them more palatable. Both NASA and NOAA come in for appropriations that properly belong in the regular budget, but this spending apparently qualifies for the stimulus bill because part of the money from each allocation is reserved for climate-change research. For instance, the bill grants NASA $450 million, but it states that the agency must spend at least $200 million on “climate-research missions,” which raises the question: Is there global warming in space?

The bottom line is that there is a way to fund government agencies, and that is the federal budget, not an “emergency” stimulus package. As Riedl puts it, “Amount allocated to the Census Bureau? $1 billion. Jobs created? None.”

Summary:
$150 million for the Smithsonian
$34 million to renovate the Department of Commerce headquarters
$500 million for improvement projects for National Institutes of Health facilities
$44 million for repairs to Department of Agriculture headquarters
$350 million for Agriculture Department computers
$88 million to help move the=2 0Public Health Service into a new building
$448 million for constructing a new Homeland Security Department headquarters
$600 million to convert the federal auto fleet to hybrids
$450 million for NASA (carve-out for “climate-research missions”)
$600 million for NOAA (carve-out for “climate modeling”)
$1 billion for the Census Bureau


INCOME TRANSFERS
A big chunk of the stimulus package is designed not to create wealth but to spread it around. It contains $89 billion in Medicaid extensions and $36 billion in expanded unemployment benefits—and this is in addition to the state-budget bailout (see “Rewarding state irresponsibility” below).

The Medicaid extension is structured as a temporary increase in the federal match, but make no mistake: Like many spending increases in the stimulus package, this one has a good chance of becoming permanent. As for extending unemployment benefits through the downturn, it might be a good idea for other reasons, but it wouldn’t stimulate economic growth: It would provide an incentive for job-seekers to delay reentry into the workforce.

Summary:
$89 billion for Medicaid
$30 billion for COBRA insurance extension
$36 billion for expanded unemployment benefits
$20 billion for food stamps


PURE PORK
The problem with trying to spend $1 trillion quickly is that you end up wasting a lot of it. Take, for instance, the proposed $4.5 billion addition to the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers budget. Not only does this effectively double the Corps’ budget overnight, but it adds to the Corps’ $3.2 billion unobligated balance—money that has been appropriated, but that the Corps has not yet figured out how to spend. Keep in mind, this is an agency that is often criticized for wasting taxpayers’ money. “They cannot spend that money wisely,” says Steve Ellis of Taxpayers for Common Sense. “I don’t even think they can spend that much money unwisely.”

Speaking of spending money unwisely, the stimulus bill adds another $850 million for Amtrak, the railroad that can’t turn a profit. There’s also $1.7 billion for “critical deferred maintenance needs” in the National Park System, and $55 million for the preservation of historic landmarks. Also, the U.S. Coast Guard needs $87 million for a polar icebreaking ship—maybe global warming isn’t working fast enough.

It should come as no surprise that rural communities—those parts of the nation that were hardest hit by rampant real-estate speculation and the collapse of the investment-banking industry—are in dire need of an additional $7.6 billion for “advancement programs.” Congress passed a $300 billion farm bill last year, but apparently that wasn’t enough. This bill provides additional subsidies for farmers, including $150 million for producers of livestock, honeybees, and farm-raised fish.

Summary:
$4.5 billion for U.S. Army Corps of Engineers
$850 million for Amtrak
$87 million for a polar icebreaking ship
$1.7 billion for the National Park System
$55 million for Historic Preservation Fund
$7.6 billion for “rural community advancement programs”
$150 million for agricu ltural-commodity purchases
$150 million for “producers of livestock, honeybees, and farm-raised fish”


RENEWABLE WASTE
Open up the section of the stimulus devoted to renewable energy and what you find is anti-stimulus: billions of dollars allocated to money-losing technologies that have not proven cost-efficient despite decades of government support. “Green energy” is not a new idea, Riedl points out. The government has poured billions into loan-guarantees and subsidies and has even mandated the use of ethanol in gasoline, to no avail. “It is the triumph of hope over experience,” he says, “to think that the next $20 billion will magically transform the economy.”

Many of the renewable-energy projects in the stimulus bill are duplicative. It sets aside $3.5 billion for energy efficiency and conservation block grants, and $3.4 billion for the State Energy Program. What’s the difference? Well, energy efficiency and conservation block grants “assist eligible entities in implementing energy efficiency and conservation strategies,” while the State Energy Program “provides funding to states to design and carry out their own energy efficiency and renewable energy programs.”

While some programs would spend lavishly on technologies that are proven failures, others would spend20too little to make a difference. The stimulus would spend $4.5 billion to modernize the nation’s electricity grid. But as Robert Samuelson has pointed out, “An industry study in 2004—surely outdated—put the price tag of modernizing the grid at $165 billion.” Most important, the stimulus bill is not the place to make these changes. There is a regular authorization process for energy spending; Obama is just trying to take a shortcut around it.

Summary:
$2 billion for renewable-energy research ($400 million for global-warming research)
$2 billion for a “clean coal” power plant in Illinois
$6.2 billion for the Weatherization Assistance Program
$3.5 billion for energy-efficiency and conservation block grants
$3.4 billion for the State Energy Program
$200 million for state and local electric-transport projects
$300 million for energy-efficient-appliance rebate programs
$400 million for hybrid cars for state and local governments
$1 billion for the manufacturing of advanced batteries
$1.5 billion for green-technology loan guarantees
$8 billion for innovative-technology loan-guarantee program
$2.4 billion for carbon-capture demonstration projects
$4.5 billion for electricity grid


REWARDING STATE IRRESPONSIBILITY
One of the ugliest aspects of the stimulus package is a bailout for spendthrift state legislatures. Remember the old fable about the ant and the grasshopper? In Aesop’s version, the happy-go-lucky grasshopper realizes the error of his ways when winter comes and he goes hungry while the industrious ant lives on his stores. In Obama’s version, the federal government levies a tax on the ant and redistributes his wealth to the party-hearty grasshopper, who just happens to belong to a government-employees’ union. This happens through something called the “State Fiscal Stabilization Fund,” by which taxpayers in the states that have exercised financial discipline are raided to subsidize Democratic-leaning Electoral College powerhouses—e.g., California—that have spent their way into big trouble.

The state-bailout fund has a built-in provision to channel the money to the Democrats’ most reliable group of campaign donors: the teachers’ unions. The current bill requires that a fixed percentage of the bailout money go toward ensuring that school budgets are not reduced below 2006 levels. Given that the fastest-growing segment of public-school expense is administrators’ salaries—not teachers’ pay, not direct spending on classroom learning—this is a requirement that has almost nothing to do with ensuring high-quality education and everything to do with ensuring that the school bureaucracy continues to be a cash cow for Democrats.

Setting aside this obvious sop to Democratic constituencies, the State Fiscal Stabilization Fund is problematic in that it creates a moral hazard by punishing the thrifty to subsidize the extravagant. California, which has suffered the fiscal one-two punch of a liberal, populist Republican governor and a spendthrift Democratic legislature, is in the worst shape, but even this fiduciary felon would have only to scale back spending to Gray Davis–era levels to eliminate its looming deficit. (The Davis years are not remembered as being especially austere.) Pennsylvania is looking to offload much of its bloated corrections-system budget onto Uncle Sam in order to shunt funds to Gov. Ed Rendell’s allies at the county-government level, who will use that largesse to put off making hard budgetary calls and necessary reforms. Alaska is looking for a billion bucks, inc luding $630 million for transportation projects—not a great sign for the state that brought us the “Bridge to Nowhere” fiasco.

Other features leap out: Of the $4 billion set aside for the Community Oriented Policing Services—COPS—program, half is allocated for communities of fewer than 150,000 people. That’s $2 billion to fight nonexistent crime waves in places like Frog Suck, Wyo., and Hoople, N.D.

The great French economist Frédéric Bastiat called politics “the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.” But who pays for the state bailout? Savers will pay to bail out spenders, and future generations will pay to bail out the undisciplined present.

In sum, this is an $80 billion boondoggle that is going to reward the irresponsible and help state governments evade a needed reordering of their financial priorities. And the money has to come from somewhere: At best, we’re just shifting money around from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, robbing a relatively prudent Cheyenne to pay an incontinent Albany. If we want more ants and fewer grasshoppers, let the prodigal governors get a little hungry.

Summary:
$79 billion for State Fiscal Stabilization Fund

Sources for this blog Stephen Spruiell is a staff reporter for National Review Online. Kevin Williamson is a deputy managing editor of National Review.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Heading Home


GeoTagged, [N43.69547, E114.35353]

On my way back to warm sunny California. I had a great time in Sun Valley, but alas all good things must come to an end, so I am heading home.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

The Skating Ring


At night, outside The Lodge's main lobby is a State of the Art Ice Skating Ring complete with bleachers and a kickass sound system . I was here during the Special Olympics and was watching some of the Athlete's warm up & get their routines ready during the day.